Live your life, not others & not for others

live your life, not other & not for others

Photo credit : VinodVV Photography

Let me start by telling you what my age is, 37 running. With two children, elder son almost 11 years old, the younger 3 and half years. Phew, I have started to sweat looking at my age and my family. Want to know why?

I am here to tell my own experience or experienced in real life situation. All this happened in the last few months of 2011 and had an awesome bachelors party for wrecking a deep down concept called “live your life”

What happened on December 30th 2011?
7 Friends gathered at one of friend’s home  and as usual the party started late at 8:30 PM. An absolute vodka with Cranberry juice + water for the topping. It was great for couple of rounds un till a friend wrecked the party with a question. What if, one of was on the death bed? and what would you do as a friend?

Couple of rounds of Vodka, just went in drain. This is the second instance he opened up this question, the first time the question appeared was on a family get together on 24th of December 2011 on a beach house, we were all having fun.

This happened on 24th of December, Few friends said that wouldn’t happen in the first place, why worry?
Here was the response from that friend.

You all know that my dad was ill, bed ridden and was admitted at Apollo for 4 months, I had mediclaim insurance to cover my entire family for 10 lakhs, and that claimed was so huge that the insurance company just paid 3 lakhs rest I had shell it out. I was fortunate or rather my dad was fortunate that I had money for his medical expenses. How much do each of you have incase of an emergency? Imagine the trauma, my mother, my wife, my daughter 7 yrs, my son who is just 3 yrs old, my Dad and finally me. Each one of us in our family where shuffling between hospital and home. That is when this question strike my mind when I was sitting in the lobby anxious waiting for my dad’s recovery.  

A deep silence. That is when it hit me and my friends.

He went on to explain “In present scenario if you had to save your family from an emergency you had to have a minimum of 10 lakhs of INR in liquid cash” May sound unreal, flamboyant. Well here is the untold truth. The medical insurance company is not so stupid enough to give you all the money you are entitled for the sum assured, people who had experienced will tell you, on what percentage the company reimburses, apart from that there are things which don’t come under the coverage. Those are written in 1 point size with a star pointed at different location on the policy.

The most important point he said as part of his realization

I can buy some time for my parents, can’t have them around till I die, for that matter any one around me.

What does that star point to?
Conditions apply, these are indeed in 1 point size, which makes you sweat.

Now to linger about the question

What if one of was on the death bed? and what would you do as a friend?

What was he trying to say?
You know what, we don’t live our life, We live our father’s, mother’s life, or son’s, daughter’s or even wife’s life. It has always been family, it has always been work, expenses etc. End of the day when you are the death bed, What did you do for yourself, Did you enjoy your life?

Don’t live other’s life, meaning your close family people’s life
Your father would have lived your life, till you got settled, at the end, you choose what to do and not his, right?. It is your children decision and it is certainly right. In what ever way you take it as right or rights.

I too had similar experience when my dad bought a new cycle and gave it to me and he retained the old cycle on which I learned to drive cycling.

Don’t live for others, there is certainly a meaning to your life. Sounds selfish, egoistic and even the american way of life (“actually speaking I love living the American way, didn’t have that freedom from my parents”). What ever it may be, when others don’t choose not to be on your side when you leave this god damn earth.

Finally to the statement of truth

Ok let me make it even simpler, unless you are in good health, prosperity and Happy. You will not be able to make any of the family members happy, not even your friends will look down upon you. Oh just a correction every one would “act” like they are on your side while looking upon you and having a feeling. “Enough, it is time for you to leave, I have to live others life. So don’t bother me any more”

Yeah, the truth is bitter. That is the truth. When was the last time you sung a song aloud, danced like no one watching you, even made crazy faces while drunk and even get it Photographed. Did you ever publish them? This doesn’t mean you have to do this, I love being photographed crazily. There are few crazy things which make you smile, keeps lingering, comes back to your mind when some else does that. It actually makes you happy.

Do you remember your own school days? You are old now, don’t remember much. But the same nostalgia comes back to you, when you see your children experiencing them.

Let me explain, my younger son wants to go to play school, it is fun, joy and play. It is Learn while you play. While the elder son eagerly watches the news for the school to declare holiday while it is raining. Do you see some thing which is hidden.

As you grow up there is a burden, some induced at home, school and even at office. We forgot what we did when we were young i.e to be playful and happy.

I believe, I still haven’t answer to that question

What if one of was on the death bed? and what would you do as a friend?

That question deserves a separate blog post. Still I will answer, Don’t know my friends stance, Will even let you know what my friends decision was. Still in back burner of those 6 individuals.

I will stand by and support to that friend who is unable to speak, unable to think, unable to comprehend that his pain is causing others a lot of pain. Let it financial, moral support or what ever is well with in my limit. Even if I die all alone.

So live your life, be happy or try to do some thing to make you happy. Remember, Friends = good times + bad times.

3 thoughts on “Live your life, not others & not for others

  1. That was a tough thought which we would generally behave as if it will never happen and sweep it under the carpet. Even if it happens to our close friends we live as if it is one of case and will never happen to us. And the consequence would be we are unprepared and run like head cut chicken even when our environment gave us lots of warning.
    Now a different approach to this thought. Generally life is divided in to many age groups. For instance till teen age life is no problem “My Dad/Mom is there for everything”, once in teen age it is like “I know everything”. From 18-35 it is all about my career. When a person crosses 35 then they enter the MidLife crisis, where people think as if the world will end tomorrow and are we prepared? But even this we overcome and then enter the next stage so on and so forth. So the point here is it is the age issue which generally everybody goes through. May be this is an eyeopener telling us to stay on earth where we belong (Aukaat).

  2. Kvgarag: thank you, it is not just about death, if is about your happiness quotient. What is that you need to do to make yourself happy?

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